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Chapter 2: Improving Your Relationship with Money
Book I
Taking
Charge
of Your
Finances
If your spouse or partner is unwilling to work with you to help your family get
out of debt, and if you are concerned that his or her spending will condemn
you to a life of financial troubles, you may have little choice but to reevaluate
your relationship. Although ending your relationship at the same time you
are trying to resolve your family's financial problems won't be easy, you may
conclude that it's best. If you are thinking about divorce, consider Divorce
For Dummies (Wiley), which explains how to prepare for it emotionally and
financially.
Talking money with your children
You should be honest about your family's finances with your children. They
don't need to know all the details, but if your children are old enough to
sense money-related tension and anxiety in your household, you need to tell
them what is going on and what you are doing to improve things.
If you're like a lot of parents, your initial instinct may be to protect your chil-
dren from your family's financial problems. Usually, that doesn't end up a
good idea. Even very young children are amazingly perceptive about negative
changes in their environment. They may not know exactly how things have
changed or why, but they can sense the change and may develop problems
as a result unless you help your kids understand and deal with what is going on.
Help your children maintain a sense of security by explaining your family's
financial situation and what they can expect in the months ahead. Take their
ages and maturity levels into consideration when you decide what to say and
how to say it. Tell them as much as you think they need to know and can pro-
cess intellectually, being careful not to scare them.
You probably need to go into greater detail with a preteen or teenage child
than you do with a younger child. Teen and preteen kids generally have more
financial needs and wants than young children and are more subject to peer
pressure, so they need a clear sense of how they may be affected by your
efforts to get out of debt. For example, they may have to start bringing their
lunches to school, or you may need them to get part-time jobs to help pay for
their gas, auto insurance, or nonessentials.
Compared to younger kids, preteens and teenagers are most apt to have dif-
ficulty accepting the fact that they can't do and have all the things they have
become used to. Peer pressure can be a powerful thing.
Regardless of the age of your children, reassure them that things may be
different for a while, but you love them and everything will be okay. Help
them feel safe by letting them know that you and your spouse or partner are
